Worst TV show theme songs?

Inspired by the "Family Ties" thread.

The "Full House" theme was pretty bad.

I love most TV themes. But Full House wasn't one of my favorites. I also don't care for Happy Days or MASH, but those two are so iconic, I can't rightfully say either of those. Hmm... I may have to give this one some thought.

The L Word's theme song from Season 2 onwards has to be the worst thing ever composed.

The Blossom theme was shit.

Silver Spoons had a syrupy sweet nauseating theme song

Alice, because of Linda Lavin's terrible singing.

The theme song for "Three's Company" was irritating.

Come on, knock on our door...

Ok I have to admit that r8's contribution is brilliant.

The theme from "Friends". Not only was it played too much on the radio but I went to 2 weddings in 1995 and both weddings played it in the beginning and the end of the receptions.

You forgot to preface your statement with "In your opinionation" R4

The "Doogie Howser" theme was pretty annoying with all the beepbeepbeeps.

The Shahs of Sunset makes me want to BARF.

And Southern Charm (love the song) BUT HATE THAT FUCKING LOUSY THEME SONG

DEGRASSI JUNIOR HIGH. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

Family Matters - Cha Choo Cha Cha Cha Chu

The Family Ties theme isn't bad. It just got old quickly. & having to hear it every week, year after year was painful.

Roseanne when they added those blues traveler lyrics

[italic]Sister Sister[/italic] had one of the most annoying theme songs ever. It's the textbook definition of "shrill."

The [italic]Friends[/italic] theme is one of my "run-out-of-the-room-screaming-in-terror" songs. Its obscene overexposure just made it worse. And it actually took five people to write it? What's happening to popular music?

I'll take the [italic]Alice[/italic] theme, Linda Lavin's ludicrous phrasing notwithstanding, over the [italic]Rhoda[/italic] theme any day of the week. It doesn't fit the show in any conceivable way and it's kind of cloying. It's funny because most of the MTM Productions shows had good theme songs.

"Closer to Free," the theme to [italic]Party of Five[/italic], is just a terrible, terrible song.

I always felt the [italic]Mad Men[/italic] "theme" was an anachronism.

saccharine,to say the least

[quote]The Family Ties theme isn't bad. It just got old quickly. & having to hear it every week, year after year was painful.

The melody is better than the lyrics, but I'd rather listen to that than the sanctimonious and pedestrian [italic]Who's the Boss?[/italic] theme. At least Johnny Mathis and Deniece Williams are easier on the ears.

I always hated the theme to Roseanne! In fact, I find the whole look & feel of the show nauseating.

R20 - "I always felt the Mad Men "theme" was an anachronism." How so?

[quote]How so?

It doesn't sound like a song from the 1960s. It isn't even a song; it has no melody, just a bunch of droning chords against a sampled beat.

Cheers. When Everybody Knows Your Name.

Always thought it was out of step with the nature of the show. Way too schmaltzy, although I like the little variations Craig Safan wrote for the interludes and end tags.

R21: The song isn't that bad——if nothing else, it doesn't rely on false rhymes like so many other theme songs since the 1970s and is more harmonically interesting than most of them——but the Lawrence Welkish arrangement is what makes it sound so cheesy and saccharine. IIRC, they tried to redo it with an R&B-meets-calypso flair later in the run. It reminded me of the way they redid "Thank You For Being a Friend" for [italic]Golden Palace[/italic]. Anyway, this was the result:

Frasier - ugh

Friends - catchy like VD

Jennifer Slept Here only ran for one season over 20 years ago, but I still hate the song.

R27: Gary Portnoy wrote a bunch of demo themes. The producers just liked that one the best.

The Nanny.

I haven't heard it in years but whenever I do it gets stuck in my head.

[italic]Malcolm in the Middle[/italic]. Obnoxious and overrated, just like the show.

I hated "The Facts of Life" theme song but I cannot stand the theme to "8 is Enough." The lyrics are the absolute worst. I would walk into the room when it was playing and want to rip open any scabs I had on my body. I hated those shows and I had no control over the television set when I was growing up. Between my father and sports and my sister and her crushes, I could never watch what I wanted.

Notice how all the shows mentioned have been made since the 1970s? There had to have been some bad theme songs in the first quarter-century of TV's existence!

Thank you, R27. So many people consider one of the best theme songs (???) but I think it's mawkish and whiny.

Star Trek: enterprise theme written by one, Diane warren. Worst theme ever.

I always hated the MASH theme song. It is slit your wrists depressing and I don't understand how it became the theme for a comedy.

Whole essays have been written about Nurse Jackie's shitty opening:

Orange is the New Black

As soon as I hear "THE AN-I-MAL!!!!" I can't get to fast forward fast enough.

I don't know which was worse: My Mother the Car, or its theme song.

MASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank You, R38! How the fuck could I forget?! The worst theme song of all time! So depressing & nothing inviting about it. To this day I've never watched a single episode of that fucking show.

Plenty of kids' TV had dreadful theme music. Everything on [italic]Barney[/italic] sounded cheap and chintzy, [italic]Power Rangers[/italic] was loud and annoying crap designed to give kids ADD, and [italic]Rocket Power[/italic] was the most panderiffic thing Nickelodeon ever shoved down kids' throats. Kids' shows this bad ought to be against the law.

Three's Company. I loved the show, but the theme song sounded like it was made up on the fly in a little amateur lounge in Pomona.

Season 4 of Cosby, when the Huxtables are doing some kind of fucking scarf dance.

Au contraire, R33, MITM boasts one of television's finest themes. It aligns the viewer with the protagonists right away, rather than trying to set the scene or steer the audience to a 'message'. It works.

Like you HAVEN'T yelled along to it.

[quote]I always hated the MASH theme song. It is slit your wrists depressing and I don't understand how it became the theme for a comedy.

Are you aware that it came from the movie and its title is "Suicide is Painless"? Maybe that's why it's "slit your wrists depressing."

I've been watching "Empty Nest" reruns on LAFF and that one is stuck in my head. It's not great, but it's not awful.

[quote]Like you HAVEN'T yelled along to it.

No, just yelled AT it.

The Bosom Buddies theme that they run in syndication. not only does it suck but it replaces one of the best TV openings ever.

R48, I'd slap you viciously if I ever saw you on the street.

There will be a long line behind you of Dataloungers waiting for their turn.

[quote]The "Full House" theme was pretty bad.

Everything about that show was bad. The acting, the writing, the theme song, and the fact that this is held up as some kind of touchstone for children of my generation really has me concerned for our future. Seriously, it makes [italic]The Brady Bunch[/italic] look like Shakespeare.

Step by Step.

As a matter of fact anything from a T.G.I.F. ,Miller-Boyett, Jesse Frederick production is nauseating!

R56: That reminds me of Carlene's made-up theme song for her and her friends on [italic]Designing Women[/italic].

I've always been irritated by the [italic]Saved by the Bell[/italic] theme, as well as the show itself.

Agree with R39. Hate "the animal the animal"

ugh.

But...the worst of all time is from a little known show called The 4400.

The song and accompanying graphics have nothing to do with the show or genre...the song is painful to listen to...it's far worse than anything mentioned here. Not to mention, The 4400 had 2 intros to every episode, and this intro was not necessary at all.

Someone on YouTube commented that it would be better suited for a douche commercial. I agree.

I never cared much for the Seinfeld theme, although I loved the show.

I barely remember the show but for some reason the theme song has taken up permanent real estate in my brain.

Probably because I can't stand the show but those first few piano notes of the "Everybody Loves Raymond" theme send me scrambling for the remote.

It's no wonder this show flopped. This was the theme for a sitcom?! Bring me razorblades so I can slash my wrists.

For a time Who's the Boss was on syndication daily and i had to change the channel within 10 seconds of the saccharine theme song starting--though it was a pretty fair warning of the horror to come.

This is, at once, both the best and worst sitcom ear worm you will ever hear.

Golden Girls, Grace and Frankie, that one with Helen Hunt and Paul Reisner, Moonlighting

I take back all my suggestions and join Team R68

[quote]I always hated the MASH theme song. It is slit your wrists depressing and I don't understand how it became the theme for a comedy.

Thank you! I cannot fucking stand that theme song. It's so loud and irritating and yes, it is depressing as well.

Runner Up - The "Friends" theme

It's Garry Shandling's Show

This cannot be posted enough

FOR SHAME, R72. That obviously belongs on a "Best TV Themes" thread. It's not like it was "Too Close For Comfort" or something.

The Three's Company Theme is brilliant! It totally captured the fun, goofy, lighthearted feel of the swinging 1970's that the producers were going for. There's nothing offensive about it to anyone with a fondness for 1970's instrumentation.

The original Small Wonder Theme wasn't bad either. It was merely a retro throwback to the 1950's & early 60's. Cheesy?

OUT OF THE BLUE, which may or may not have been a HAPPY DAYS spin-off. The intro is ridiculously long (nearly 2 minutes), but the theme song is so very annoying! Mercifully, it only lasted 9 episodes.

Seems to be a tight race between MASH & Donna Pescow

Personally, I've always found the theme to "Lyle, The Effeminate Heterosexual" particularly offensive!

This is another one for the late 70s/early 80s set:

I stand by my original comment that I like most TV themes. There's a couple clunkers in the compilation attached, but for the most part, the TV show theme is truly a lost art.

Aw, piss off, R79. Here, why don't you lie down under this glass table for a minute...

I like a lot of those syrupy TV theme songs from the 70s and 80s. The only one I really see that is horrible is the Orange Is The New Black theme song. It's as ugly as Bea Arthur in anything backless

Any and all Sid & Marty Krofft shows. Irritating awful ear worms, plus they'd always try to spell out the entire backstory and plot of the show in the theme sone.

Dammit, why has shit like the theme at r68 infested my brain for over 30 years but I can't remember what I ate for lunch two days ago?!

R80: Oh god, [italic]Charles in Charge[/italic]! The theme to the CBS version was tolerable, but it takes on a whole new dimension of badness in the syndicated version with its overwrought horns over a very basic song. What makes it so earwormy is the implications of the lyrics.

"My eyes are getting weary...my back is getting tight..."Good show, but REALLY.

Too bad, so sad, there wasn't an Emmy category for best ironing board.

Covert Affairs has the worst. And I liked the show. The music on that show is just terrible.

I miss piper!

Excuse me, bitches, but my OTHER sitcom had a fucking ACADEMY AWARD winner as its theme song!

R89 jeez, I thought I was the only one who remembered that show existed. I was even beginning to think I'd dreamed it up. I was 7 when it premiered and 11 when it ended. I had the biggest crush on Steve Burton. I desperately wanted to be Evie because of her powers AND she got to have Chris as a boyfriend!

Incidentally, the recently deceased Betsy Palmer played Pesco's mom in one episode.

Down to Earth-A 1920's flapper returns to earth as a maid.

Down to Earth wins as the worst.

A Fine Romance with Judi Dench should be another contender.

The theme to Archie Bunker's Place sounds like farts.

Goodtime Girls is bad in every way.

Disney themes have always been terrible with maybe a handful of exceptions. I think this gem may be the worst of the lot.

It sounds as though Seether or some other post-grunge band were locked in a basement and forced to play like a cross between MxPx and Die Toten Hosen, only at gunpoint.

[quote]Down to Earth wins as the worst.

The lyrics say, "it's so hysterical." Well, I watched an episode on YouTube and did not laugh so much as once. Putting lyrics like that in a TV show theme is the equivalent of making a YouTube video and titling it "Funniest Video Ever" when it's really a poorly photographed fuzzy cell phone video of two kids doing stupid stuff.

[quote]Disney themes have always been terrible with maybe a handful of exceptions.

[italic]Zorro, Mickey Mouse Club[/italic] and [italic]World of Color[/italic] all had great themes, and so did the Disney Afternoon shows from the 1980s and early 1990s. But those Disney Channel sitcoms are horrendous in every way and completely unworthy of the Disney name, and Z&C is one of the worst.

Isn't the daughter on that flapper show now some drunk housewife on bravo?

Sugar Time starring Barbi Benton. The guy singing the lyrics sounds like an old perv.

Kyle Richards was on DOWN TO EARTH. Her sister, Kim, is the one who has drinking issues on RHOBH. Kim Richards was featured on the 70s TV show, HELLO LARRY.

I love that Terry "WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S" Kiser is guest starring on that episode of SUGAR TIME at R102's posting.

7th heaven, though I greatly admire Stephen Collins.

Kyle is also the little girl in Halloween

Kyle was also in The Watcher in the Woods.

Punky Brewster. "Maybe the world is blind or just a little unkind, seems you can't be sure of anything anymore." That made me sad as a kid and thinking I might get abandoned by my parents and watching the space shuttle challenger explode and growing enormous breasts by 15.

Hey: George Peppard was brilliant as the curmudgeon who takes in the lil scamp!!

Brit kid's TV stalwarts Dick & Dom have recently popped back up from their semi-retirement to push some dull Kid's Literature feature on B-B-C Radio (sponsored by Duchess Camilla, ugh). D&D seem impossibly tired for the grown man-children that they are, and just sick over the whole thing...

...which reminds me how gods-fucking-awful the theme for their old show ('In The Bungalow') was. It was all just FX and some bass-voiced dude saying their name over & over, I refuse to post it. It's a shame it was such a clanger of a song, as the show itself was a much-needed finger in the eye of Auntie Beeb.

It's nicer to remember how cute Richard & Dominic were in the their 20's when they did CBBC continuity. I assumed they were a gay couple when I was watching their schtick as a hungover student. There's a dirty story somewhere online about Dick's predilection for escort girls that ruins that fantasy, though.

Orange is the New Black. Absolutely horrible.

The Ropers. Sounds like someone making fart noises under their arm.

Love, Sidney. If it was just Tony Randall singing it wouldn't be so bad but the little girl squeaking "we're friends forever!" is nausea-inducing.

this theme to OLTL was so generic

it could have been to any show, any product...

I'd have to go with the first season of "The Facts of Life" for Charlotte Rae's singing. It's even worse than Swoosie Kurtz's or Kaleena Kiff's.

I can't figure out why I hate the theme song to The Affair so much but I have to skip over it. I think the song is titled "Container" and it's by Fiona Apple. Blech.

The theme song to "The Brady Bunch" is really horrible. It's just because it's so familiar that it's not been listed here, but it's really one of the worst theme songs ever.

Family Ties and Growing Pains were my favorites.

Least favorite is Fresh Off The Boat.

Most British soap themes, but especially Corrie with those Salvation Army band horns, ugh.

The only good ones are those sounding like they come from this century (using electric guitar or something, like the Hollyoaks theme). The best British one ever was for Heartbeat (1992-2010), a sleepy rural crime drama set in '60s Yorkshire. The theme was a real song before the show used it, though, a rock-a-billy number originally recorded by Buddy Holly in 1958.

The L Word theme, what a piece of shit.

The theme to [italic]Fathers and Sons[/italic] is cringeworthy. No wonder this only ran a month. I can't imagine any actual "modern-day boy" in 1986 wanting to sit through something so sickeningly cloying and creepy.

Greatest American Hero. I think if you so much as took a breath in the '80s you heard this damn song.

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